Catching Up

Saturday 8/1/09- Hadn't surfed the cliffs since the Big Swell last weekend and so I got the opportunity to talk to the crew and find out all the stories. I figured the place was unsurfable because of the current and size and just wanted to find out where everyone turned to when their home break wasn't ridable. Agro Rob, Mullet Mike, and Neil never paddle out anywhere else so I was just wondering where they would stray off to when it was just too crazy at their home break. Well it turns out mullet Mike actually paddled out in the peak of the swell on Friday at the Cliffs. The way he tells it he watched it for an hour and figured out how to time the sets to get out. Talked a guy named Jeremy, who I'm sure I met but can't picture, into giving it a go with him. Jeremy got washed into shore, mullet mike not only made it out but surfed six waves without even getting his long mullet wet. He drifted nearly a mile north though and had a pretty long hike back.
Sunday is when all the action was I guess. The surf was dropping enough to lure the die hards back in the water. Agro Rob, who's a much better surfer than me, got washed into shore, got pissed off and took his act to Bolsa Chica, where I was surfing that day. Mullet mike paddled out and said he had a fun session but had to do the run around to keep up with the current. The real story from that day was when Odd Rod mixed it up with a guy named Ralph on a SUP. What Ralph was thinking I have no idea.
Rod is in his late fourties, has a completely square head that he makes even more square by attempting to self sculpt a flat top that is no more than 1/8th of an inch on top and completely bald on the sides. He has a neck tatoo, is about 6'1" and weighs probably around 205 of solid muscle. When he speaks you can barely understand his mumbling, and might even have an indistinguishable accent. The guy shreds too and is one of the best surfers out there on any given day. Only bested by his fifteen year old son Dirk and maybe a handful of pros that occassionally show up. If Rod told me a story about how he shanked some guy in prison in his younger wilder days I would totally believe him. He really reminds me of Brad Pitt's character in snatch, which is why the following story completey dumbfounds me.
This guy...Ralph...is on a SUP on this pretty big day. It's breaking 5-7' consistently and some 10'+ sneaker sets coming though. I've seen Ralph out before and wouldn't know his name if not for this story being relayed to me from Mullet Mike. He's an average surfer at best and probably shouldn't have been out at all but there he was on his SUP trying to cherry pick a wave out the back. Rod caught the wave at the peak and Ralph decides to go waaaay out on the shoulder. Rod doesn't say much in the water, and if he does you can rarely understand him anyway. His style is to just surf around people, obey ediquette and if you burn him he won't say anything to you, he'll just run you over or pull some unbelievable maneuver to get around you or push you out the back. Rod, true to form, charges hard and the wave had enough face for Rod to go high around the much slower and unsteady Ralph. It all looked great and Rod was sending a message without saying anything up until everything went horribly wrong. Rod's leash caught the back end of the 10' SUP and took both of them down on top of each other. Rod was now caught up in seven feet of whitewash with a 10' Stand Up Paddleboard, Oar, and Ralph so he just goes deep and stays there as long as possible to avoid collisions. Much to Rod's surprise when he finally surfaces Ralph is on him throwing blows. Ralph was pissed because he says it was his wave because he was standing first...seriously. WTF. Of all the people to make a crazy claim against and to throw down with. Bad move Ralph.
Rod decided to take the whole thing to the shore. Ralph stayed in the water while Rod put on a ball cap and glasses as if to disguise himself. Ralph paddles way up the beach to the lifguard stand in hopes of getting some protection, maybe the smartest thing Ralph did on this day. Unfortunately for him the guard stand was empty, either because of budget cuts or the lifeguard was off helping someone on what was probably a pretty busy day. Rod now challenges Ralph by pulling off his glasses and saying "now what?", at least that's what they thought he said. Ralph lunges at Rod again but this time Rod is ready, jumps on him breaks Ralph's nose and opens his lip before Ralph went for his oar and started swinging it wildly before a fellow SUPer talkles Ralph, knowing full well the SUPs would likely be banned or beaten down by every surfer on the beach if someone got injured by Ralph's antics. With the intervention the altercation was over.
Man, I guess I missed all the fun.
The stories were more exciting thant he surf. It was small, only breaking on the inside sandbar, but fun nonetheless. Water is ridiculously warm so afterwards I threw on my trunks and took McCoy for a swim against his will. He'll forgive me at some point.